Ten Things You Can Do Today To Transform Conflict In Your Life
Adapted From Gary Baran, From the Work of Marshall Rosenberg
[Nonviolent Communication, or NVC, is a system of human communication developed by Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D., which allows people to communicate wants and needs more effectively, thus leading to compassionate understanding, better relationships, and conflict resolution.]
It can be challenging to live the values of NVC every day—after all, it's often been equated to learning a whole new language. Each day, we're all juggling multiple responsibilities, stresses and things to do—and sometimes the thought of also shifting away from our old communication habits can be an overwhelming task. Yet the beauty of NVC is that even simple steps can make a world of difference. Here are 10 simple things you can do today that will help you prevent or transform the conflict in your life and inspire you to live the values of compassion even in challenging moments.
1. Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how you would like to relate to yourself and others.
2. Remember that all human beings have the same needs.
3. Check your intention to see if you are as interested in others getting their needs met as your own.
4. When asking someone to do something, check first to see if you are making a request or a demand.
5. Instead of saying what you DON’T want someone to do, say what you DO want the person to do.
6. Instead of saying what you want someone to BE, say what action you’d like the person to take that you hope will help the person be that way.
7. Before agreeing or disagreeing with anyone’s opinions, try to tune in to what the person is feeling and needing.
8. Instead of saying "No," say what need of yours prevents you from saying "Yes."
9. If you are feeling upset, think about what need of yours is not being met, and what you could do to meet it, instead of thinking about what’s wrong with others or yourself.
10. Instead of praising someone who did something you like, express your gratitude by telling the person what need of yours that action met.